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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Recipe for Schizophrenia

Today i reveal the real reason why schizophrenia starts for some people. It's so easy and simple and you can notice results right away.
It starts with three simple ingredients:

1. Decide to quit Smoking
2. Start a diet
3. Go to the gym daily

The moment you add any of those ingredients, you start to meet new people. You can go for all three simultaneously to get faster and more permanent results.

Lets start with the first ingredient: decide to quit smoking and you instantly have two personalities manipulating you and representing you in public:
You # 1: convincing you that you're so happy with the new you that you don't need the cigarettes anymore and starts to preach about how good it feels to be a none smoker and that no matter what you're never gonna be a smoker ever again!
You # 2: shows up on day 6, after it gave you the joy of feeling you accomplished something...and starts by convincing you that it might be the time for one cigarette! You smoke it and realize that you're still you and that you're still a non smoker!!

Both versions of you starts interacting on a daily basis and the struggle and conversions in your head start to be more frequent.

And then a 3rd personality emerges which is
You # 3 convincing you that you need to start a diet since you're snacking a lot and since the clash between You # 1 and You # 2 is like politics in Lebanon, it's gonna take a while before one wins over the other!

This new version of you doesn't interfere with You # 1 or You # 2 but it helps create the 4th personality which is You # 4 (obviously) which keeps postponing diets to Mondays or at least the following day and convinces you that you can eat whatever you want today.
Now imagine what happens when you're hungry and want to eat something... you have 4 versions of you talking in your head about what to eat and whether  you should have a cigarette right after you eat or not!

So, a
You # 5 joins the battle (which is inspired by my friend Tarek) holding the perfect solution...Go to gym!! By going to the gym, you smoke less and eat less and lose weight! Well it's not so easy because then You # 6 has to have an appearance, and pushes you to keep postponing gym. If you make it there, it convinces you that you can eat since you've burnt what you ate earlier and that you deserve a cigarette too! Well to be fair the first 4 personalities also take part in the discussion!

And here you go, you created 6 personalities in less than a week.

Who said it's not fun being crazy...
(It's so much fun by the way, you never feel lonely)