Thoughts in a Basket

Bad internet is not so bad after all

2011-03-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been trying to think more positively lately; like you know when you try to see the positive side of every negative issue, yeah that...
And in the light of the raging frustration towards our internet connection and the Ontornet initiative I decided to sit and think of the positives of having a ~~shitty~~ bad internet connection.
I realized there are advantages!! Who would have thought?! So here are the positive points I just discovered, I'm sure there are many more but I guess I need more practice in the positivity domain:

The mobile glue effect: wouldn't we all become like BB users (no offense BB users): "If you want me to look at you, you’ll have to send me a message on my BBM"
The series syndrome: imagine you had the ability to download a whole series season in 1 hour, would you ever leave the house or read a book, or sit with your family?
Multitasking skills: you’re still able to do offline tasks while waiting for a page to load : like call a friend, make coffee, have a cigarette, work a bit, etc…
Disconnect-ivity: Isn’t it awesome that we can disconnect from time to time? For example when it’s raining or when there’s no electricity or when some politicians have certain issues and decide to shut down internet...
Patience skill: Didn't we all become patient by nature? Isn't waiting for someone or for an appointment or in traffic much much bearable?
The personal contact: Even if you send someone an email, you’ll have to call that person, and check if he received it. Expats still have to visit often because video calls make us look like retards and they would want to check we’re still ok.
The guaranteed excuse: “Yes I replied, didn't you get it? Oh it must be this bad bad internet connection!”
Appreciation skill: like when surprisingly a page loads in 5 seconds, don’t you take a minute and appreciate this bliss?
Physical exercise: if you have a USB dongle or probably any mobile modem device, you'd understand what I mean; holding the laptop, walking around and searching for a better connectivity signal are all equivalent to a 30 min workout.
Money saving: how many times did you abandon a cart or lost interest in an item because it was taking you more time than it would have taken you if you actually went to the shop and bought it (including travel time)
Virus protection: any download or received link has to be well thought of, risks have to be measured and priorities have to be made. Even if you clicked a link that turned out to be a virus by mistake, you have plenty of time to realize it and abandon the operation before any damage has been done
Unity: At least all Lebanese share and agree with the frustration towards the slow internet we have, come on, let's at least cherish that
Being considerate: while designing a web solution, thinking of the “persona” who has a shitty connection seems to be forgotten sometimes; but we as Lebanese always think of those poor users!

And finally, inspired by this post:

Review and improvement: while trying to publish this post, I had the time to read it 3 times and identifyed several typos. I corrected them before i even published the post! And i still had to go outside, freeze for a while and publish this post!

And of course I have to thank our lovely government for thinking of all these advantages and of our well being. How did I not see these before?

Cheers,

"What if" a nation

2011-02-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

What if we had good leaders rather than just blind followers
What if we had an affordable schools to provide our kids with a decent education
What if being from 2 different religions would add diversity to a couple rather than trouble
What if our religion wasn't as important as who we are and what we can do
What if colors were just colors
What if we were able to make plans regardless of our political situation
What if we had loving neighbors
What if we were able to visit all the amazing regions in the country without fear
What if guns were used to protect us from the rest of the world instead of each other
What if we had good electricity
What if we had better Internet
What if it our own achievements indicated who we are rather than our family's social status
What if people cared about each other rather than discussed each others lives
What if getting visas didn't require preparations and celebrations
What if how happy we will be in our lives wasn't measured by how much we paid on our wedding
What if the people we love lived in the country rather than just visited
What if watching the news was a decision we take rather than not a necessity
What if we decided what we wanted to be rather than having it imposed on us
What if living abroad was merely an exploration of a new life rather a step to actually have one
What if the future of our country wasn't reflection of its past
What if we had equal opportunities and more professional people at work
What if being different indicated that we are special rather an than outlaws
What if we didn't pretend to be proud of our country
What if we were more proud of being Arabs
What if we used our language more often
What if things changed
What if we had more hope
What if we were more honest
What if we were just happier

Just wondering and hoping one day i'll have the answer to at least one of those questions...

The beauty of waking up...

2010-12-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

Life if full of unexpected surprises, and that's the beauty of it. You never know what's going to happen next, no matter how much you plan ahead and prepare yourself, things will still go in different ways. It's a great motto to live by until you hear a really bad news, and think that you might loose someone you love!

My whole positivity vanished and I put on hold my ability to think and act clearly... How do you deal with that anyway? How do you move on when something like that happens? How would you watch someone you love suffer and can't do anything about it? I'm new to this and i'm not ready! (as if you can ever be...)

Everything else seemed really trivial compared to that issue, and it kept me wondering about how stupid we can be, nagging about stuff that really don't matter much.

You wish you can go back to that time, when things semmedperfect and promise yourself that you will act differently, appreciate more what you have and stop nagging and stressing out about trivial stuff.

The great news is (see again, new surprises) : I did go back in time, apparently it was just a nightmare and the whole issue was a wrong assessment from doctors (there comes the yeeeeeey in the post)
But really, do we need those things to happen so that we wake up and start appreciating what we have more frequently. We waste so much time worrying about everything; I'm not usually that much of a worrier (probably because i forget a lot) but i tend to do that sometimes.
And i see that a lot in everyone around me, i watch a lot of people worry,stress out, nag, cry and eat ice cream because of things that tend to go away really fast! As long as we keep breathing, we still have a chance!
I'm not saying we should be faking happiness all the time and pretending that there's nothing wrong, but at least let's assess what matters the most in our lives and appreciate the good things we have! We shouldn't start a drama if we slept 5 hours instead of 8 for one night!

Life is too short to worry that much. And when shit hits the fan, we are going to be shaken and things are gonna feel bad, but let's leave it till then. Life is not going to be always perfect, there are going to be ups and downs, but at least we when we see the ups let's just appreciate them and not let them go unnoticed (at least have a drink or too when they happen each time)

Cheers,

Bringing back the basket...

2010-09-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

So i'm back! Haven't been blogging for a while (obviously), haven't even been checking my blog either (yeah, sad but true)
But it seriously feels like the Back to School phase where you have to pick up where you left off before summer started : organization, work, sleep, gym, healthy living, savings,layers of clothes which i merely replaced with the sun and alcohol.
Summer of 2010 was a remarkable summer! So many events, so many people, lots of alcohol and fun nights! Summer has always been my favorite season, as it brings so much energy in you (i think the sun alone is enough) and it breaks the dull routine.

The signs are so obvious even if you would want to ignore them:

Back to school ads (that still gives me the chills)
The school bus (which i don't usually see because i start work late but i hear about it from the traffic people around me are going through)
College students go back (and this i feel because now i can't find a parking place in the campus where i work)
Less and less visitors and foreigners
More home related advertisements
People move back to the city
Peak traffic hours return to be hours and not ALL WEEK!
Early sunsets

The list can go on forever...Even though it seems depressing ,dull and traumatizing for me, yet i love the change because it implies that time has come to rest, reorganize your daily routine, plans and create new challenges (maybe go back to the gym?).

Bottom line, i'm excited and back to blogging (since evidently there will be more nagging)
Cheers!

Recipe for Schizophrenia

2010-05-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

Today i reveal the real reason why schizophrenia starts for some people. It's so easy and simple and you can notice results right away.
It starts with three simple ingredients:

1. Decide to quit Smoking
2. Start a diet
3. Go to the gym daily

The moment you add any of those ingredients, you start to meet new people. You can go for all three simultaneously to get faster and more permanent results.

Lets start with the first ingredient: decide to quit smoking and you instantly have two personalities manipulating you and representing you in public:
You # 1: convincing you that you're so happy with the new you that you don't need the cigarettes anymore and starts to preach about how good it feels to be a none smoker and that no matter what you're never gonna be a smoker ever again!
You # 2: shows up on day 6, after it gave you the joy of feeling you accomplished something...and starts by convincing you that it might be the time for one cigarette! You smoke it and realize that you're still you and that you're still a non smoker!!

Both versions of you starts interacting on a daily basis and the struggle and conversions in your head start to be more frequent.

And then a 3rd personality emerges which is You # 3 convincing you that you need to start a diet since you're snacking a lot and since the clash between You # 1 and You # 2 is like politics in Lebanon, it's gonna take a while before one wins over the other!
This new version of you doesn't interfere with You # 1 or You # 2 but it helps create the 4th personality which is You # 4 (obviously) which keeps postponing diets to Mondays or at least the following day and convinces you that you can eat whatever you want today.
Now imagine what happens when you're hungry and want to eat something... you have 4 versions of you talking in your head about what to eat and whether you should have a cigarette right after you eat or not!

So, a You # 5 joins the battle (which is inspired by my friend Tarek) holding the perfect solution...Go to gym!! By going to the gym, you smoke less and eat less and lose weight! Well it's not so easy because then You # 6 has to have an appearance, and pushes you to keep postponing gym. If you make it there, it convinces you that you can eat since you've burnt what you ate earlier and that you deserve a cigarette too! Well to be fair the first 4 personalities also take part in the discussion!

And here you go, you created 6 personalities in less than a week.
Who said it's not fun being crazy...
(It's so much fun by the way, you never feel lonely)

Cheers,

Waves hit hard...

2010-03-07T07:57:00.000-08:00

It's funny that in this country, we're the last ones to receive everything : technologies, reforms, music, gadgets, brands, and most importantly the economic crisis.
For the past year, you hear about the crisis everywhere in the world, you hear about people getting laid off and companies and big corporations going bankrupt…but it's all news material and you're an observer and you can shift your mind from it whenever you want.
But the moment it affects you and the people around you, no matter how prepared you are it still hits badly and shocks the hell out of you!
You can be friends with the people who get directly affected, be in the organization facing the hit, or be one of the people who get laid off!But none of the above is easy to handle…
But when it's the closest people around you who have to leave, and the wave hit your own environment, you're as affected as everyone else because you're the one who stays to live the difference, who face the guilt of staying...
Change is hard…Change is something all of us avoid when we're really happy and satisfied with what we have and where we stand.
You never appreciate the things you have until you wake up from the dream and realize things are not going to be the same. I don’t want to make it more depressing that it really is, but when life starts to happen and you face bumps and waves, you wish you can go back to the moment in the past when everything was still perfect. Even thought in your head, you know that life is going to move on and that it's the way life goes but you can't see that happening yet.

People in my position start to think of an action plan, because the plan they had earlier was shaken and needs to be revised… But my plan is to stick to the original plan...
When things are less perfect around you, you should fight to the last breath and never quit what you believe in, even if the result is not guaranteed but you have to do the best you can with what you have in hand. And for the people who had to leave, I believe they'll still be member of the family no matter what happens…The relationship you build with your colleagues specially when it's not only based on work, is the strongest you can have because those are the people you got to live with you most of your daily life…you spend time with them more than you spend with yourself and you know that the link can never be broken…
Life moves on and so does everyone…keep the faith and positivity for a brighter future…

Cheers,

The Monster in me

2010-03-03T04:51:00.000-08:00

We go through several states during the day, and they can vary from excitement to hunger, sadness, happiness, numbness, complete focus on something,angry, warm, cold, etc...

But none of the above even compares to the state we go through trying wake up in the morning! A complete irrational, stupid and destructive monster emerges in you during this period of 0 to 30 minutes after u wake up! At least that's what's happening to me...

This post wake up version of me can do very bad things like :

Getting me fired from my job or sending my resignation as a message while I'm still in bed
Wish for an explosion to happen somewhere close which would force me to stay in bed
Emerging love of thunderstorms and extensive rain that can be a good alibi to why I'm still in bed
Give me a reason to break up with my boyfriend if I had to chose between him and 2 seconds 5 more minutes of sleep
Make me ignore interests generated from late payments I have to do right away
Ignore the fact that I'll be stuck in a 3 hr traffic if I don't move that second I'm fighting
Make me deaf so that I don’t hear the alarm and its horrible horrible snoozes
Ignore the fact that I might become friend-less if I missed out on a promise to meet my friend at the gym or anywhere else in the morning or afternoon
Ignore the fact that I'm visiting another country and that the bed is not my destination and that I should be HAVING FUN and TAKING PICTURES instead of sleeping
Convince myself that i'm really sick and to recover i should go into "energy saving mode"

And what's weird is that this new addiction resurrects and acts heavily every now and then. It doesn't disappear totally but it becomes more or less of a normal transitional behavior between bed and reality.

And I'd like to know what triggers it because that strong struggle I have with myself in the morning is sooooo exhausting and the moment I get out of bed I could just collapse and go to sleep again!

I try to blame it on the cold weather since we're in winter but it's rarely "rainy cold want to stay in bed weather" (advertising a previous post about the weather)

I could blame it on the time I go to bed but I sometimes sleep early so that I think I will wake up smoothly, but doesn't happen

I blame it on the alarm ringtone but if I change the tone, my brain stops acknowledging it even rang

I try to tell myself before I sleep that I will wake up easier the next morning but it doesn't work

I blamed it on the lack of sleep in my routine, yet when you spend a whole week sleeping all the remaining time that you're not at work, at the gym, driving or eating, the issue still holds.

So, in the end, I came up to the conclusion that well I'm sleepoholic and I guess I need to work on my addiction. The how remains unanalyzed but the fact that I'm admitting it is supposed to enlighten me to solve it.

New Laws of Attraction

2010-03-02T20:30:00.000-08:00

Just came across this hilarious list of laws that i thought of sharing with my blog readers who deserve a little less nagging :)

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's really ugly.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, or change it for the worse.

Cheers,

A weird winter...

2010-02-27T20:12:00.000-08:00

Is it normal to miss winter in February? I remember in a previous post in this blog which i'm totally ashamed of , (so my blog was hacked and it's not me who posted it), i the person who hacked my blog said that i he/she doesn't care about global warming and weather changes and that's it's no big deal...but today i'm forced to deny and apologize on what i that person stated!
I do care about what's happening, and it's totally affecting me and the people around me...
I'm not a winter person, i hate the rain and i hate freezing and having to wear layers and layers so that i look like a snowman who's still freezing... but i do miss it, and i'm not ready yet to leave winter behind me and move on to the next season...

Winter of 2010 forecast : sunshine with few rain drops every now and then

Everything seems lost and disoriented by this schizo weather:

Every single time time it rains, we witness a global panic attack on how to drive when it's raining (as if that's something we really need to add to our excellent driving habits)...traffic and accidents everywhere and then the moment we get the hang of it...it's SUNSHINE!!!
Nature has totally lost it...since mid January we have the spring flowers blossoming, autumn leaves falling and insects that are supposed to be hiding all winter found everywhere!!
You go to shop for clothes and there's not one stand alone piece that looks more or less winterish... it's either missing one side of the sleeves, both sleeves, a stomach cover,etc... you need like 3 pieces to come up with 1 layer of clothes! It's like fashion predicted we're not having a real winter this year!!
When it's sunny outside, you don't know if you should go out and enjoy it or pretend it's not happening because you've had enough of it
The concept of a storm has totally changed this year, the definition becomes : less sunshine with few rain drops and a bit of wind...a storm doesn't last more than 1 day!! and when it's over you can totally hit the beach...
I don't know why in this country we like to stand alone and always be different...the economic crisis hasn't hit here neither the harsh winter that every single country is suffering from...I wonder why skybar and white haven't opened yet!!

It's sad because the outlook of our life is changing...winter is needed by everyone to take a break from the running that usually happens during all other seasons and enjoy the warmth of one's home and those hibernating activities...but you don't get to do them because it doesn't look like the right context for it...Warm weather and sun shows you that you should have the energy to be active while winter gives you the excuse to pull the breaks and do what you enjoy doing most in your own nest...
Lately the moment you hear there's a storm coming you jump from joy, plan a getaway weekend in the mountains so that maybe you get stuck in the snow, or you prepare a cheese and wine evening...or decide you're not going out because it will be raining and you feel like watching a dvd at home...

The thing i used to love the most about February, is the excitement that it's one month away from spring...but haven't we been living spring all winter?!
It's sad when the things you were used to since you were a kid, things you thought they didn't made a difference, change, and then again i say i'm not a winter person, but i like to long for my favorite seasons...i like to miss them, and i like to have each of the 4 seasons since it was one of the things we're proud a lot about in our country...

Hoping it's just a weird winter...and hoping we keep our four distinct seasons.. and i'm already looking forward for next winter!!

Manage privacy...

2010-02-13T12:27:00.000-08:00

It’s really ironic how much we care about our privacy, sharing things about us only among our friends while our whole life is currently running naked on the web... I would think twice before adding someone i barely know on facebook, while the facebook administration knows about me more than i know about myself!
The web knows about me more than my best friends will ever know in a thousand years; Google directs me to check what i would be interested in reading and Facebook points out who are the people i know and gives me incentive to contact them! It's really impressive but from another perspective things look really scary. I mean i stopped thinking, stopped memorizing, stopped making an effort to make an extra step since google will do it for me anyway so why bother!
If there's no google reader, delicious and the web browser's bookmarks i wouldn't really know what i'm interested in (yeah again blame it on my memory issues). I admit that with the load of information we're getting daily, these tools are needed yet i don’t know how much we’re become dependent on them to the point that they became part of who we are!

I’m one of those people who rely on technology alot, i save everything online, share the most private things about me with my close friends online and trust that whatever i search for and my browsing trends are part of my privacy rights and are not saved and monitors anywhere... Fact is that they are, and that concept of privacy is a virtual rule!
I keep emailing my friends all day even thought most of the times they’re right in front of me, i follow my friend’s movement on google maps to see how much it would take us to meet, rely on calendar reminders and facebook to remember birthdays and appointments and rely on my phone to withdraw money coz no way on earth i’d remember my cards security code! Yet i'm still considered a basic user, since i still keep some aspects of my 3D life!
I sometimes wonder what would happen to me if facebook ,MSN and google closed...i'll be mourning my friend's list, my life's data (and my blog of course) and i wouldn't know how and where to start over! And i should be glad my phone device is still functioning coz at least i'll keep some clues about who i am and what i need to be doing and who my friends are!

I’m not trying to create this rage against the machines idea, (the web world is what i do for a living after all) but i’m starting to have trusting issues in the relationship here! It’s changing our human nature in a way that i forces me to wonder how things would be 10 years from now! With 10 years worth data about me, google will start to tell me when i should eat and when i should use the toilet!
Maybe we should take a step back and reconsider and evaluate how much we should maintain and keep from the human to human relationship because the LOL generated on the web is nothing like the actual meaning of the abbreviation in 3D... and the sad face you send on MSN (even though i love and it's so cute) doesn't really bring any reconciliation to whoever your sending it to!
XOXO,

Visaphobia

2010-01-27T20:30:00.000-08:00

You're sitting in a pub with your friends, and suddenly a plan for an amazing trip comes up! You shout "yeeeey" in the middle of the place filled with excitement and then it all exponentially goes away because you remember the traumatizing fact that you need a "visa"! As much as this trip would be the most exciting plan you ever planned for, you still prevent yourself from getting too excited about it because fact is, you're Lebanese and getting the visa is like winning the lottery; chance plays a big role.
For almost 2 months, the idea of getting this Visa was more than a paranoia issue, i want to start planning, i want to get excited but all i'm trying to do is keep my feet on the ground so that i don't get too disappointed.

And the quest for the visa starts...

You have to be prepared, you have to know all the answers and all the places you're planning to go visit and which sandwich you're gonna pick up from the street... You gotta know which roof you'll be sleeping under so a road trip and backpacking around a country is not designed for you.
And you have to show you can afford it, which makes sense but since you need to apply several months in advance, well maybe your bank accounts can't speak for themselves yet and you need to start saving much earlier.
You should find ways to show you're not a terrorist and specify in an application that you're not planning to do any terrorist activity.
You have to look for people who would certify the reasons you're visiting and you need to be well prepared with evidence that you're not planning to do anything abiding by the law in the country you're visiting.

Then the real nightmare "fun" begins, you take an appointment which can be set after a couple of weeks, and be grateful if it was the second day.
When the appointment date arrives, you spend the night panicking, obsessing about the interview and prepare in your head all the answers to any possible question the interviewer might feel like asking.
You put on 3 alarms, ask all the people you know to make sure you wake up, well obviously you cannot take a risk of not showing up on time during the interview.
The moment of truth arrives and you reach the embassy... you wait in line, make sure you do not having anything on you (other than your pile of documents) and you get checked more than 3 times, and you need to explain to everyone why you wanna visit that country.
And then you sit in a waiting room, and you wait endlessly for your name to be called. You could be asked about anything, people you don't know can ask you very personal questions and you have to answer honestly. You have to show you're trustworthy of visiting their country. Sometimes you directly get the answer, sometimes you have to wait for a couple of weeks.
And when they give you a positive answer, you're filled with joy and start jumping and suddenly it hits you that you're actually going to travel. People congratulate you, and it just feels like graduation!

And now you have to hope than nothing interrupts your trip or cancels it because if you get a visa and don't use it then it's a negative point on your record. YOU HAVE TO GO NO MATTER WHAT!

And that's the easy part because what i described above is a happy ending, and just one scenario of more dramatic ones you can encounter in your life, like living with a visa rejection...

I think it's really unfair, i mean why do i have to give evidence of why i'm planning to visit a certain country while its citizens don't need to worry about visiting mine? Why do i have to feel that i need to celebrate getting a visa, when they should be glad i'm planning to spend my money in their country?!
Why would i have to plan for a trip 3 months in advance?
Why would people wish they had a foreign passport that would save them all this humiliation and feel like a normal human being?

And that doesn't end here...you have to hope that your trip goes smoothly and you don't more humiliated just because you're Lebanese. I leave it to a friend's article to explain more on what i'm talking about : HOW IT FEELS TO BE SECOND CLASS

HAPPY VISA TO ME,
Cheers,

Update system...

2010-01-21T02:30:00.000-08:00

I wish there was something that you can install in your system that sends alerts when a repetitive issue happens which you always handle wrong!Wouldn't it be so cool?? Most of the time we just need a reminder, a voice, an automated behavior that handles situations where we always wonder "why the hell do i keep doing this?".
Most of the time i blame it on my memory issues but it's much more than that...
For example, here's some of the things i wish become embedded in me so that i save myself some irriation from my own self:

In the Morning:

When the alarm rings , take it seriously it and get out of bed… Snooze is not music and an hour and a half snoozing doesn't really make you sleep more!! Each snooze adds a little to that grumpy face you're gonna have in the morning
I will not die if I leave the house without having my coffee… I think preparing it is what wakes me up because most of the time I forget to actually drink it!
When you wake up early because you planned to go to gym the day before and packed your stuff and all, just get out of bed and go to the fucking gym!! You're not going to sleep more anyway and you're going to be pissed off the whole day because you didn’t!
Skip checking your email first thing in the morning…probably nothing major happened between 1 AM and 8 AM … it can wait few more minutes until real people send you stuff and not only spam and ads...

At Home

Home appliances do not regenerate... you need to interfere at some point to fix them!
The tv remote is not used to help you remember how to count from 0 to 100... going over the channels more than 3 times will not bring in anything interesting to watch...so either put on a DVD or shut the TV down.
A pile of clothes on the bed is not decoration…If you put them now in the closet it will save you some ironing later!

In Stores

Not every item displayed on a shelf is a necessity and is calling on you! Some things are really not going to be used so don’t buy them
Think about how much you want something before you buy it; it will not disappear, cause you death if you don't have it and it will not be the last item produced
You don't have to buy at least something everytime you shop!

In the Car

Two or three cars in front of you is not called "traffic", so don’t try taking shortcuts that most of the time hold real traffic...
When your car needs fuel, it doesn't really understand that you're planning on giving to it…It's gonna stop at some point so don't postpone..
Washing your car is not a yearly ritural...When you start using tissues to open the door, go wash it!!

At the Gym

The couch and showers at the gym are not one of its specialities and are not the reason you went there... You can use them after you work out but not before or instead of working out!
If you realized you can't make it three times this week, doesn't mean you shouldn't at least go once! It's not all or nothing!!
The treadmill will not make you fat, so if u came late to a class or didn't find places then just use it!

So the list is not over yet, not even close... but i'm gonna have to stop now before i hit my head against the wall...

It's that time of the year...resolutions!!!

2010-01-02T14:10:00.000-08:00

I was just contemplating on the idea of whether or not i should think of my 2010 resolutions. so I started remembering my last year's resolutions to see if i can see any encouragements from what i did accomplish last year.

So 2009's resolutions were:
1. Stop smoking : it worked for 3 weeks only and then i went back to more smoking then i used to do before.
2. Gym : Well i don't know if i actually achieved this or not, since some months i go regularly and others i just get voted the best customer who pays and never shows up! (Can i get a point for charity?)
3. Less alcohol : hmmmm ignored
4. Start saving : I'm in more dept this year than i was last year so i guess that says it all
5. Stop postponing and leave everything to the last minute : When while writing this, i just postponed more than 3 important things i was planning to do so i guess that's self explanatory...

Come to think about if, i guess i failed big time. Not only i didn't accomplish any of those resolutions but i think i made myself one major thing i need to work on this year. When i think about my 2009, and the good moments i had, with friends, at work, family, relationship and on the personal level, 2009 was a pretty good year. Yes there were lots of ups and down but all in all i shouldn't complain. Yet all i did this year was complain. Starts with my blog. I mean i started this blog to share more or less fun stuff, and all i can read is nagging and complaining. (look at me, i'm even nagging about it now)
So that's the only thing i'm gonna focus on this year. And no no these are not resolutions, even thought i decided that on 2/1/2010, yet its just what i can "a decision to change" that happened to start randomly on that day. It starts today and doesn't expire in 2011 (since it's not a new year's resolution obviously)
As for the other resolutions listed above, i'm also not going to put them on my to do list and start stressing out whenever a month goes by. I guess when i'm ready i'm ready. I will lead more of a healthy lifestyle, more gym, less alcohol and less smoking and when will try to be more organized in my life and financially but i wont put a lot of stress on that and mess the rest up!

So in the end, would like to say that my 2009 was a good year, even though i didn't really appreciate it until today, and i'm not gonna ruin this new year like i did with the previous one.
This year starts exceptionally good and will do my best to keep it this way!
And hope that i will succeed with my none resolutions! :D
HAPPY NEW YEAR,
Cheers!

Where's my Christmas?

2009-12-24T04:20:00.000-08:00

Am i the only one who doesn't feel like christmas at all? What is it about christmas becoming less exciting year after year?
Is it because we're growing up and because we believe in Santa anymore? I'd like to blame it on that, but there's a new christmas concept that's been created and i dont really like it!

The whole christmas spririt is changing, and it's becoming more and more commercial year after year. The whole idea of what christmas is and what it holds behind it as value is dissapearing, i mean even for kids who are supposed to cherrish it don't seem to get the real value anymore and care only about the gift.
They ask santa for Blackberrys and Wii's, and the simplicity of giving is fading away...
Moreover,since when, christmas trees decoration follows a fashion trend? Where did the color red go? oh no "hal seneh derij el azra2" why is everything either blue or silver?? What are we going to do next, make santa wear a pink costume next year?
Maybe i'm tradional and i like surprises more than consulted surprises, yet i can feel that things are not as they used to be before. I still love the concept that christmas holds which is all about giving, yet i dont like the new commercial twist in it.
I miss the concept of christmas when you give because you feel like giving and not having to give because it's an occasion where you "should" buy gifts to the people you love.
I miss being surprised under the christmas tree with gifts you didn't know what they were because the person who's getting you didn't ask you what you need and just went for a more personalized gesture rather than an expensive gift.
So, christmas is tonight, the song stuck in my head is Lady gaga's "Christmas Tree" which i dont wanna mention the lyrics here...Tomorrow it's gonna be over and i didn't feel the christmas sprit yet... Hopefully next year....
Anyways Merry Xmas!!
Happy Holidays!

Advice...

2009-10-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

I found myself for the past months in several situations where i'm asked to give advice and opinion on certain issues involving other people's lives, and as much as would always like to help and provide the best i can offer, i find myself helpless and trying as much as i can not to say anything that would seem like dictating behavior!! But it irritates me when it's sometimes what people want!!

Dont get me wrong, i would so much like to be able to help but no matter how smart or mature i am,i know that i will not be able to say the right thing because at the end of the day it's someone else's life involved, and it's totally different! We have different perspectives, background, reactions, and beliefs and hence what ever one person would do can never apply to someone else's life!

I'm trying to find out why people seek advice? Why do we tend to ask people around us about how we should behave in our most inner personal stuff and life turning events?

Aren't we the only ones who can only come up with the right thing to do? Why don't we trust our inner judgement and why are we always afraid to fall and to make the wrong choice?

And again, i'm not saying that we aren't supposed to share our questions and dilemmas, but we should really know when we have reached that thin line where people start to tell us what to do!!

I'm not usually the person who listens or asks for advice (well most of the time), not because i believe i'm smarter than everyone but just because i dont think anyone would be able to really dig deep and feel the same thing i'm feeling when it comes to anything that's on my mind! People can share their ideas, point out things you might have not thought about, yet you should be able to stop the moment you start to feel influenced totally by what they are saying!

But the biggest dilemma i face, is what would you tell people who want you to guide them on how to handle their life issues?? How would you react and what would you say?!
It really irritates me to the point that i had to scream at a friend a couple of days ago for asking me these questions! It really irritates me to see people admiting they're reckless and that they dont know how to behave, people who rely on others to be able to live their lives!

In the end, i'd really like to say that no matter what the only advice we should take is from ourself, because in the end we are the only ones to blame, we are the only ones who would feel any happiness or pain and that for others it's just so easy to throw their opinions on us!

And it's not so bad to make mistakes... isn't that the only way we actually learn?!

Social Noise...

2009-10-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

I dont know how you can reach a point when you're irritated when someone gives you a nice comment, calls you to plan an outing coz they missed you, or just showed some attention (just the usual type of attention)!!

It's one of those phases i'm going through where everything in me screams "LEAVE ME ALONE"!!

You sometimes really need a break, you need a time off to recharge, to just have time for you alone,lost in your twisted mind and thoughts...time to do nothing major (and by major i mean nothing that involves physical activity or in clearer terms "hibernate") whether it's by watching tv, sleeping, reading or anything you might discover you like...
I just need to recreate my routine that can help me have your own piece of mind without people pushing me to do things they enjoy to do (and i might too, but not in this phase of my life) and make you feel bad because you're not joining them!

Everything around me seems like noise, like this unbearable sound i keep listening to in my head and i just want to mute it and enjoy the sound of silence!

I just need this getaway place, with no phone, no internet, no civilization, no humans existence for like 2 weeks to restore all the damage that seem to be currently occurring in my head ( well yeah damage, coz who would reach this point if there's something that stopped functioning in whatever system we have installed in us??)... But good luck finding this place!!

The main problem is that no one seems to really understand that i just need to be granted a break! If i say "no i'm tired i'm not in the mood to go out these days", 9 out of 10 responses would be more like "are you ok, are you feeling bad? are you depressed? are you sure you should be left alone in this case?" and the remaining reply would be like "ok we'll do something tomorrow then!!"
Seriously what's wrong with pushy people, who make you feel that if you don't come, things will be very very bad, and someone might die there and you're the only chance of saving them!!

Well i haven't still achieved what i want but i'm working on it, and i'm starting by only going with things i feel like doing, and the rest can have a huge "NO, maybe another time".
It might take a week, it might take a month or maybe a year, but i've just decided that it's about time i start to live my life the way I want to live it! I do understand that there are some sacrifices you have to do for the sake of the people around you, i'm willing to do that, i dont want to go into exile forever but i just realized that i dont have clones and i can't be present in 2 places or more at the same time... and most importantly, i cannot satisfy everyone so i'll have to prioritize and chose the things that i feel like doing more!!

And we're all talking about climate change...

2009-10-15T18:29:00.000-07:00

My post today is ~~forced~~ inspired by the Blog action Day which seems to be something very important that all bloggers have to follow... well I'm new to this whole blogging thing so whatever they tell me, I do!
Actually if there wasn't someone in my entourage who keeps reminding me that i have to blog ...i would have probably accidently forgotten to blog... You see, i have issues with people telling me about what to write or say...like the times people tell you "So, tell me something!", for me it's absolute silence they receive!

That's why I do not have so much ideas about this topic, but all in all i dont see myself so worried about global warming like the whole world is! But when you're not usually a person who worries about the future then you can't force it on yourself!I like to leave everything to the future and then when it happens i start worrying!

Everyone is worried that the whole climate will change and that the next generations wont have the chance to witness a healthy planet earth...The seasons we're used to will be legends, life will be totally different and planet earth will seize to be habitable since the resources we currently have will expire one day!
But i'm not really worried about this day, not because i dont care but i really think we earned it! It's our human nature to actually wear out anything we put our hands on! Like as if the alternate measures we're taking today to prevent global warming won't have an effect on something else in the future.

Damage done! Maybe there is an expiry day for our planet, and maybe we just have to accept it and live with the alternatives!
You might feel i'm selfish and careless but I'm just being realistic! I don't mind change and really think we'll always find ways to survive and adjust, and if we can provide help to ~~diminish~~ elimintate this threat then GOOD FOR US! That's why i'm not panicking and I'm not gonna invest a lot of time on that...

Cheers,
Happy Blog Action Day!

Home Improvement Crisis

2009-10-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

It’s amazing how you wake up one day, look around you and realize that your living space doesn’t bring the same amount of satisfaction it used to before and you have an urge to do something about it…I don’t know what goes through your head when you’re sleeping, or in your subconscious, that would trigger that!

But that’s what happened to me last week…

I moved to this apartment almost a year ago (and I seriously love it) it’s so cute, my kind of perfect apartment; a tiny duplex chalet in a small compound that holds 9 chalets where everyone knows everyone, has a pool and in a calm environment. It’s actually the third apartment I move to and it’s the only one that I felt like it’s a permanent place worth investing time and money to make it look more like me.

I really put my heart into it when I first moved and stopped when I felt it’s comfortable enough for me: my place to call “home”… But the funny part is that it’s not that bad after all, it’s just bit of mess that needs a bit of organizing, but the way I see it today is completely different, feels different, as if I have a multi personality disorder…

But this is how I am usually structured, every now and then I select something in the elements in my life and decide to change it, and since my house’s outlook seems a bit disturbing I guess I’ll be focusing on that (I guess it’s the easiest and most rational among car, job, boyfriend, friends or haircut).

So I started my home improvement movement last week…and I’m so excited about it even thought I know the amount of energy and capital it will cost but I don’t care because now that I have the ideas and the required outlook I know it will be the perfect time to do. I’m usually the type of person who postpones everything and then lose interest and I’m not planning on doing that now…

My whole point in this post is that I just realized that even if the same components in our lives remain the same, and one day we wake up and feel we need change, that doesn’t mean we need to actually change something in our life in a drastic way but maybe look into the existing ones, and try to select what makes us feel less comfortable, launch a new challenge, put our heart into it and make the best there is we can offer...

The "Twilight" mania

2009-10-02T07:29:00.001-07:00

So you'd think that when you reach the mid-twenties, you become more of a mature person (yeah I sometimes would like to think of myself as mature), realistic, responsible and not in any possible scenario you would believe in fairytales or any of that crap…But you can be wrong...
One day I was all I described above, and the second day I feel I'm a 17 year old girl in love with a 17 year old vampire in a book,and is materialized physically in the movie but the problem is that HE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST in real life...

"Oh but he's a good vampire, and he's smart and he's not too young since he's been 17 for like 80 years so he's mature too and GORGEOUS!!"
See, that's what I'm talking about…

So I'm just trying to find out what the hell happened to me??
One day I borrow the book to read it over the weekend (I wanted something light to read), the next day i find myself reading an e-book that wasn't even finished by the writer and which narrates the same story but from the perspective of Edward (the vampire I'm in love with),then I'm watching the movie (mind you I watched it before), and listening to the soundtrack all day ...I'm just overly taken with the other books that I was planning on taking a day off to be able to finish them!!
It's not the actor in the movie I'm talking about, ok fine the guy looks really attractive in the movie, but what I'm talking about is more "Edward Cullen" the character in the book that makes it all worth obsessing about it…

I'm making a fool out of myself and I'm not even trying to hide it! But at least I know I'm not the only one, since I have supporters of this cause around me at work!
But I'm starting to panic about the day I finish the books…What would happen next? How would I get on with my life? How would i deal with the emptiness it will create? I don't know if I'd consider reading them again (knowing I would do that) but I'm trying to avoid that.

But truth is, I'm really enjoying this whole teenage obsession… I missed it. Not to forget that I'm really enjoying having the thrill to go back home every day and continue reading; something I wasn't able to do in a long time… It's also an excuse (a forced one though) not to go out and do the routine outings I was doing over the past month every single day that involves drinking and eating!! It's my own exile in the world of imagination and I'm loving it!
Yet I hope I don't get out of this phase with everlasting damages like having no more friends and remaining eternally obsessed with that vampire to the point that I would relocate to a gloomy location where vampires don't worry about the sun…

Finally, I would like to say that it's nice from time to time to just live again an age you thought was already out of your system! There's no age limitation for believing in fairytales or vampires and the impossible! You can't always live like a machine and only do well calculated things… We keep ourselves rational about every single move we do in our life whether it's at work, with friends, at home etc... We never allow ourselves to dream and fantasise about stuff that we know are never going to happen...
I'm not saying we should constantly live like this yet it's nice to give ourselves every now and then, a chance to free ourselves from the things "we ought to be doing"…

Cheers to all those who support my obsession... I just hope we all get over it soon without having to lose a big part of our sanity!!

And my basket was born...

2009-10-01T04:17:00.000-07:00

Oh well Congratulations to myself… I finally did it!!

It's been a while since I decided that i'm initiating my own blog but I’ve been always postponing and postponing until the title of the blog popped in my head!! I just needed a place to just throw whatever goes through my mind…

There are many reasons behind my urge to write and it starts with the fact that I’m sick of talking to myself about issues, topics, interpretations of actions, meaning of life (no no I won’t go to that extend and I’ll try to keep this to myself) but it’s a way to let things out and share what’s on my mind without having to overwhelm someone with my ideas.

The second reason lays in the fact that our brain doesn’t really have a history of what we think about, and when I say history I don’t mean “memory” (although I really have memory issues) but it’s more like “versioning”. You can’t imagine how much we evolve in our thoughts, perspectives, judgments etc… to the point that u sometimes don’t notice that you were just thinking the complete opposite like few months ago and you don’t get to notice what really changed your perspective…

So this will be my repository to throw everything that held my mind thinking for more than 2 minutes in whatever phase I’m going through!!

The third and last reason so far, is sharing… It’s nice to share your thoughts with people…When I created this blog I wasn’t really fond of the idea of “sharing” until I mentioned to my friend (who has a blog that I stalk most of the time) that I’m starting my own blog and hence his excitement made it for me. I always go and read his posts and I think it would be only fair to share with him and others, if they’re interested to know of course, what goes through another sick mind…

So here I am, hoping that this will be my first post (and not my last as well) and that many others would follow in the very near future.