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Thursday, October 22, 2009

Social Noise...

I dont know how you can reach a point when you're irritated when someone gives you a nice comment, calls you to plan an outing coz they missed you, or just showed some attention (just the usual type of attention)!!
It's one of those phases i'm going through where everything in me screams "LEAVE ME ALONE"!!

You sometimes really need a break, you need a time off to recharge, to just have time for you alone,lost in your twisted mind and thoughts...time to do nothing major (and by major i mean nothing that involves physical activity or in clearer terms "hibernate") whether it's by watching tv, sleeping, reading or anything you might discover you like...
I just need to recreate my routine that can help me have your own piece of mind without people pushing me to do things they enjoy to do (and i might too, but not in this phase of my life) and make you feel bad because you're not joining them!

Everything around me seems like noise, like this unbearable sound i keep listening to in my head and i just want to mute it and enjoy the sound of silence!

I just need this getaway place, with no phone, no internet, no civilization, no humans existence for like 2 weeks to restore all the damage that seem to be currently occurring in my head ( well yeah damage, coz who would reach this point if there's something that stopped functioning in whatever system we have installed in us??)... But good luck finding this place!!

The main problem is that no one seems to really understand that i just need to be granted a break! If i say "no i'm tired i'm not in the mood to go out these days", 9 out of 10 responses would be more like "are you ok, are you feeling bad? are you depressed? are you sure you should be left alone in this case?" and the remaining reply would be like "ok we'll do something tomorrow then!!"
Seriously what's wrong with pushy people, who make you feel that if you don't come, things will be very very bad, and someone might die there and you're the only chance of saving them!!

Well i haven't still achieved what i want but i'm working on it, and i'm starting by only going with things i feel like doing, and the rest can have a huge "NO, maybe another time".
It might take a week, it might take a month or maybe a year, but i've just decided that it's about time i start to live my life the way
I want to live it! I do understand that there are some sacrifices you have to do for the sake of the people around you, i'm willing to do that, i dont want to go into exile forever but i just realized that i dont have clones and i can't be present in 2 places or more at the same time... and most importantly, i cannot satisfy everyone so i'll have to prioritize and chose the things that i feel like doing more!!

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