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Friday, October 23, 2009


I found myself for the past months in several situations where i'm asked to give advice and opinion on certain issues involving other people's lives, and as much as would always like to help and provide the best i can offer, i find myself helpless and trying as much as i can not to say anything that would seem like dictating behavior!! But it irritates me when it's sometimes what people want!!
Dont get me wrong, i would so much like to be able to help but no matter how smart or mature i am,i know that i will not be able to say the right thing because at the end of the day it's someone else's life involved, and it's totally different! We have different perspectives, background, reactions, and beliefs and hence what ever one person would do can never apply to someone else's life!

I'm trying to find out why people seek advice? Why do we tend to ask people around us about how we should behave in our most inner personal stuff and life turning events?
Aren't we the only ones who can only come up with the right thing to do? Why don't we trust our inner judgement and why are we always afraid to fall and to make the wrong choice?
And again, i'm not saying that we aren't supposed to share our questions and dilemmas, but we should really know when we have reached that thin line where people start to tell us what to do!!

I'm not usually the person who listens or asks for advice (well most of the time), not because i believe i'm smarter than everyone but just because i dont think anyone would be able to really dig deep and feel the same thing i'm feeling when it comes to anything that's on my mind! People can share their ideas, point out things you might have not thought about, yet you should be able to stop the moment you start to feel influenced totally by what they are saying!

But the biggest dilemma i face, is what would you tell people who want you to guide them on how to handle their life issues?? How would you react and what would you say?!
It really irritates me to the point that i had to scream at a friend a couple of days ago for asking me these questions! It really irritates me to see people admiting they're reckless and that they dont know how to behave, people who rely on others to be able to live their lives!

In the end, i'd really like to say that no matter what the only advice we should take is from ourself, because in the end we are the only ones to blame, we are the only ones who would feel any happiness or pain and that for others it's just so easy to throw their opinions on us!

And it's not so bad to make mistakes... isn't that the only way we actually learn?!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Social Noise...

I dont know how you can reach a point when you're irritated when someone gives you a nice comment, calls you to plan an outing coz they missed you, or just showed some attention (just the usual type of attention)!!
It's one of those phases i'm going through where everything in me screams "LEAVE ME ALONE"!!

You sometimes really need a break, you need a time off to recharge, to just have time for you alone,lost in your twisted mind and thoughts...time to do nothing major (and by major i mean nothing that involves physical activity or in clearer terms "hibernate") whether it's by watching tv, sleeping, reading or anything you might discover you like...
I just need to recreate my routine that can help me have your own piece of mind without people pushing me to do things they enjoy to do (and i might too, but not in this phase of my life) and make you feel bad because you're not joining them!

Everything around me seems like noise, like this unbearable sound i keep listening to in my head and i just want to mute it and enjoy the sound of silence!

I just need this getaway place, with no phone, no internet, no civilization, no humans existence for like 2 weeks to restore all the damage that seem to be currently occurring in my head ( well yeah damage, coz who would reach this point if there's something that stopped functioning in whatever system we have installed in us??)... But good luck finding this place!!

The main problem is that no one seems to really understand that i just need to be granted a break! If i say "no i'm tired i'm not in the mood to go out these days", 9 out of 10 responses would be more like "are you ok, are you feeling bad? are you depressed? are you sure you should be left alone in this case?" and the remaining reply would be like "ok we'll do something tomorrow then!!"
Seriously what's wrong with pushy people, who make you feel that if you don't come, things will be very very bad, and someone might die there and you're the only chance of saving them!!

Well i haven't still achieved what i want but i'm working on it, and i'm starting by only going with things i feel like doing, and the rest can have a huge "NO, maybe another time".
It might take a week, it might take a month or maybe a year, but i've just decided that it's about time i start to live my life the way
I want to live it! I do understand that there are some sacrifices you have to do for the sake of the people around you, i'm willing to do that, i dont want to go into exile forever but i just realized that i dont have clones and i can't be present in 2 places or more at the same time... and most importantly, i cannot satisfy everyone so i'll have to prioritize and chose the things that i feel like doing more!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

And we're all talking about climate change...

My post today is forced inspired by the Blog action Day which seems to be something very important that all bloggers have to follow... well I'm new to this whole blogging thing so whatever they tell me, I do! 
Actually if there wasn't someone in my entourage who keeps reminding me that i have to blog ...i would have probably accidently forgotten to blog... You see, i have issues with people telling me about what to write or say...like the times people tell you "So, tell me something!", for me it's absolute silence they receive!

That's why I do not have so much ideas about this topic, but all in all i dont see myself so worried about global warming like the whole world is! But when you're not usually a person who worries about the future then you can't force it on yourself!I like to leave everything to the future and then when it happens i start worrying!

Everyone is worried that the whole climate will change and that the next generations wont have the chance to witness a healthy planet earth...The seasons we're used to will be legends, life will be totally different and planet earth will seize to be habitable since the resources we currently have will expire one day!

But i'm not really worried about this day, not because i dont care but i really think we earned it! It's our human nature to actually wear out anything we put our hands on! Like as if the alternate measures we're taking today to prevent global warming won't have an effect on something else in the future.

Damage done! Maybe there is an expiry day for our planet, and maybe we just have to accept it and live with the alternatives!

You might feel i'm selfish and careless but I'm just being realistic! I don't mind change and really think we'll always find ways to survive and adjust, and if we can provide help to  diminish elimintate this threat then GOOD FOR US! That's why i'm not panicking and I'm not gonna invest a lot of time on that...

Happy Blog Action Day!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Home Improvement Crisis

It’s amazing how you wake up one day, look around you and realize that your living space doesn’t bring the same amount of satisfaction it used to before and you have an urge to do something about it…I don’t know what goes through your head when you’re sleeping, or in your subconscious, that would trigger that!
But that’s what happened to me last week…

I moved to this apartment almost a year ago (and I seriously love it) it’s so cute, my kind of perfect apartment; a tiny duplex chalet in a small compound that holds 9 chalets where everyone knows everyone, has a pool and in a calm environment. It’s actually the third apartment I move to and it’s the only one that I felt like it’s a permanent place worth investing time and money to make it look more like me.
I really put my heart into it when I first moved and stopped when I felt it’s comfortable enough for me: my place to call “home”… But the funny part is that it’s not that bad after all, it’s just bit of mess that needs a bit of organizing, but the way I see it today is completely different, feels different, as if I have a multi personality disorder…
But this is how I am usually structured, every now and then I select something in the elements in my life and decide to change it, and since my house’s outlook seems a bit disturbing I guess I’ll be focusing on that (I guess it’s the easiest and most rational among car, job, boyfriend, friends or haircut).

So I started my home improvement movement last week…and I’m so excited about it even thought I know the amount of energy and capital it will cost but I don’t care because now that I have the ideas and the required outlook I know it will be the perfect time to do. I’m usually the type of person who postpones everything and then lose interest and I’m not planning on doing that now…

My whole point in this post is that I just realized that even if the same components in our lives remain the same, and one day we wake up and feel we need change, that doesn’t mean we need to actually change something in our life in a drastic way but maybe look into the existing ones, and try to select what makes us feel less comfortable, launch a new challenge, put our heart into it and make the best there is we can offer...

Friday, October 2, 2009

The "Twilight" mania

So you'd think that when you reach the mid-twenties, you become more of a mature person (yeah I sometimes would like to think of myself as mature), realistic, responsible and not in any possible scenario you would believe in fairytales or any of that crap…But you can be wrong...
One day I was all I described above, and the second day I feel I'm a 17 year old girl in love with a 17 year old vampire in a book,and is materialized physically in the movie but the problem is that HE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST in real life...

"Oh but he's a good vampire, and he's smart and he's not too young since he's been 17 for like 80 years so he's mature too and GORGEOUS!!"
See, that's what I'm talking about…

So I'm just trying to find out what the hell happened to me??
One day I borrow the book to read it over the weekend (I wanted something light to read), the next day i find myself reading an e-book that wasn't even finished by the writer and which narrates the same story but from the perspective of Edward (the vampire I'm in love with),then I'm watching the movie (mind you I watched it before), and listening to the soundtrack all day ...I'm just overly taken with the other books that I was planning on taking a day off to be able to finish them!!
It's not the actor in the movie I'm talking about, ok fine the guy looks really attractive in the movie, but what I'm talking about is more "Edward Cullen" the character in the book that makes it all worth obsessing about it…

I'm making a fool out of myself and I'm not even trying to hide it! But at least I know I'm not the only one, since I have supporters of this cause around me at work!
But I'm starting to panic about the day I finish the books…What would happen next? How would I get on with my life? How would i deal with the emptiness it will create? I don't know if I'd consider reading them again (knowing I would do that) but I'm trying to avoid that.

But truth is, I'm really enjoying this whole teenage obsession… I missed it. Not to forget that I'm really enjoying having the thrill to go back home every day and continue reading; something I wasn't able to do in a long time… It's also an excuse (a forced one though) not to go out and do the routine outings I was doing over the past month every single day that involves drinking and eating!! It's my own exile in the world of imagination and I'm loving it!
Yet I hope I don't get out of this phase with everlasting damages like having no more friends and remaining eternally obsessed with that vampire to the point that I would relocate to a gloomy location where vampires don't worry about the sun…

Finally, I would like to say that it's nice from time to time to just live again an age you thought was already out of your system! There's no age limitation for believing in fairytales or vampires and the impossible! You can't always live like a machine and only do well calculated things… We keep ourselves rational about every single move we do in our life whether it's at work, with friends, at home etc... We never allow ourselves to dream and fantasise about stuff that we know are never going to happen...

I'm not saying we should constantly live like this yet it's nice to give ourselves every now and then, a chance to free ourselves from the things "we ought to be doing"…

Cheers to all those who support my obsession... I just hope we all get over it soon without having to lose a big part of our sanity!!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

And my basket was born...

Oh well Congratulations to myself… I finally did it!!
It's been a while since I decided that i'm initiating my own blog but I’ve been always postponing and postponing until the title of the blog popped in my head!! I just needed a place to just throw whatever goes through my mind…

There are many reasons behind my urge to write and it starts with the fact that I’m sick of talking to myself about issues, topics, interpretations of actions, meaning of life (no no I won’t go to that extend and I’ll try to keep this to myself) but it’s a way to let things out and share what’s on my mind without having to overwhelm someone with my ideas.

The second reason lays in the fact that our brain doesn’t really have a history of what we think about, and when I say history I don’t mean “memory” (although I really have memory issues) but it’s more like “versioning”. You can’t imagine how much we evolve in our thoughts, perspectives, judgments etc… to the point that u sometimes don’t notice that you were just thinking the complete opposite like few months ago and you don’t get to notice what really changed your perspective…
So this will be my repository to throw everything that held my mind thinking for more than 2 minutes in whatever phase I’m going through!!

The third and last reason so far, is sharing… It’s nice to share your thoughts with people…When I created this blog I wasn’t really fond of the idea of “sharing” until I mentioned to my friend (who has a blog that I stalk most of the time) that I’m starting my own blog and hence his excitement made it for me. I always go and read his posts and I think it would be only fair to share with him and others, if they’re interested to know of course, what goes through another sick mind…

So here I am, hoping that this will be my first post (and not my last as well) and that many others would follow in the very near future.